Apeiron Apostle Adventures, Episode 2: Rabbit Season
Salutations! In today’s blog, we’re introducing episode 2 of the ongoing Apeiron Apostle Adventures. Before we begin, a quick recap: the…
Salutations! In today’s blog, we’re introducing episode 2 of the ongoing Apeiron Apostle Adventures. Before we begin, a quick recap: the Warrior, a Dood Apostle, was saved from the Taint consuming his world by his Avatar, who booted him into a new galaxy with the mission of saving the universe. In the first episode, the Warrior met Takemikazuchi, a powerful, sumo-wrestling god who took the young Warrior under his wing.
Together they used a giant rock to restrain the giant catfish Onamazu, but the Warrior couldn’t resist a bite of the catfish, a cardinal sin. His mentor sadly exiled him, and the Warrior was once again booted to a new world.
Here he met the Summoner, another traveling Apostle. She offered to lead him to the Dirac Sea, a nexus of spiritual power where they might be able to find a way to save the godiverse. Now, if only they could get there…
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
Five minutes passed.
“Are we there yet?”
“No.”
Another five minutes. They were walking around an island. To the Warrior’s eyes, it didn’t look so very different from the one he had visited before. There were pink-flowering trees that gave off a tasty scent and the land was quite hilly. But it was also much smaller than the previous island. In fact, they had almost walked around all of it. Across the sea, at some distance, looked like the mainland. It would be a long swim to get there…
And his tummy was starting to rumble…
“Are we there yet?”
The Summoner cocked her head to the wind, then scratched the bone on her head in thought. Then she nodded. “Almost.”
“Wow! So fast.”
“Huh?”
“The Dirac Sea, right? You’re going to use your magic to open a door there or something.”
He waved around his sword in the air in a circle in what he imagined her arcane display might look like. She gawked at him with raised eyebrows, then sighed.
“Uhhhhh…no.”
“…what. I thought we were going to that fancy spirit place.”
She shook her head. “Hard to get there. Need an Avatar to help.”
Hmmmm. He wondered if this was going to affect lunch plans. “So where are we going now?”
She narrowed her eyes towards a nearby beach.
“Over there.”
“Ooo. Fishing? Or maybe crabs?” His mind never worked so fast as when it was thinking about food options.
“Rabbit.”
“Ooo. Yummy.” He licked his lips. “Love me some rabbit.”
The Summoner stamped her foot. “No! Not for eating.”
He groaned. “Then for what?” He was convinced now. This was definitely affecting his lunch plans.
She grinned mischievously. “For crossing the sea.”
_________
They arrived on the beach. The Warrior was surprised to see that there was indeed a rabbit here. Or more specifically, a hare. A white hare. Quite a tall one. It was tapping its feet impatiently. When they arrived, it peered at them briefly, then went back to looking at the water.
“Hmmmm…” It hmm’d loudly.
“Hello!” said the Summoner loudly.
“Shhh!” said the Hare.
“Why?” said the Warrior.
The Hare let out an exasperated sigh. “What’s it to you, pal? Huh buster? I don’t know you from Adam, whaddaya about anywho?”
The Warrior held his ground. “We’re trying to save the godiverse.”
“Well that’s all well and good, but I ain’t here to save nobody no-how, I’m just lookin’ to get to the mainland over there, I’m sick of this damn island. I’m meetin’ some crocs here to work out a deal, you want in, just be quiet, yer understand?”
The Summoner and the Warrior looked at each other. They shrugged. “Alright,” they agreed.
“Good! Now keep your traps shut, I see them comin’.”
And indeed, there was a group of crocodiles approaching. Rather than getting on the beach, they stayed in the murky cool waters. One of them slid forward to the front of the bask. He looked a particularly mean customer, with row after row of pointy teeth drawn back in a menacing grin. His reptilian eyes slid from the Hare to the Doods.
It licked its lips as it sized up the chubby Apostles. The Summoner gulped.
“Sssooooo…” the Crocodile slurped out its words. “Hare. You called us here for a contest. To see if the Hares were more than the Crocodiles. But I see no other Hares. So we win. And that means-”
“Hang on just a minute there, pal!” the Hare interjected. He put his paws behind his back. “Ahem. You see, there are only three of us now but-”
“Three of you?” the Crocodile replied. He stared at the Doods hungrily. “Funny looking hares…”
“Cousins!” said the Hare. “And more on the way. They just haven’t arrived yet. But! If you don’t mind, for fairness’ sake, I’d like to count your numbers. Just to get an exact tally.”
“Well,” said the Crocodile, thinking it over. “That does sound fair.”
“Great! Then if you could just line up for us…”
“Ok. Wait a minute…” the Crocodile turned to his companions. “LINE UP! “ he bellowed.
The crocodile bask got itself organized. The Warrior gasped. Lined up as they were, they made a kind of bridge, right across the water to the mainland! The Summoner smacked him out of his stupor.
“They’re making a bridge right across the water off the island!” she whispered to him.
“I know!” he said.
“This is our way off the island! I knew it!” she giggled to herself. Then she waved to the air behind them. “Thank you everyone!”
“Come on, ‘Cousins!’” shouted the Hare, beckoning them forward. “Off we go!”
_________
They had almost reached land. The Warrior wanted to faint from hunger. It had been HOURS since their last meal, at least one of them, maybe two. But at least, they finally reached the shore! The Warrior collapsed on the sand. The Summoner flopped down next to him.
“So tired…” she moaned.
“So hungry…” he groaned.
The Hare was quick to follow them. But just as he reached the shore, he turned to the last crocodile. With a wicked grin, he viciously tapped his paws on the crocodile’s mouth. “Well looks like you win, but we’re outta here! See ya later suckers! Ahahaha!” The Hare leaped to the shore.
But he shouldn’t have made fun of the crocodile, for as he jumped, the angry reptile tore at him with his long maw. He missed most of him, but just about nipped his tail, and with a powerful rip, tore the Hare’s beautiful white fur right off!
“YOOOOOOOOOWCH!” screamed the Hare. When he landed on the ground he quickly took up the forested hills away from the angry crocodiles.
“Oh dear,” said the Summoner. “Poor rabbit.”
“Hare,” corrected the Warrior. “And already with no fur, ready for cooking.” They still hadn’t eaten.
“Ummm, we might have bigger problems first,” said the Summoner, her eyes wide.
The crocodiles had crawled on the beach and were spreading out to surround them.
Pulling out his sword, the Warrior took up position next to the Summoner, who was rattling her staff and starting to chant. It didn’t look good. It seemed rather than have lunch, they were going to become stuffing for a crocodile’s stomach. Or several crocodiles’ stomachs…
Then, out of a field to the left, they heard a voice yell: “YYYYOOOOOOOOOLLLOOOOOO!!!!”
A spear came hurtling out of the blue and impaled a croc where he lay. And right behind it was a helmeted dood, charging forward like an absolute maddood — and there were even a couple of doodlings hot on his heel! “AHHHHH!” they all screamed as they charged towards the crocs. The Warrior and Summoner took that as their cue. “AHHH!” they yelled as they joined the fray.
The crocodiles didn’t stick around long, sliding back into the waters and disappearing. “WOOOOO!” yelled the helmeted dood. “That’s right! Come back anytime! HAHAHAHA!”
“Yeah! Hahaha!” said the doodlings. They all stood in a row, hands on hips, threw back their heads and laughed.
“Uhhhh…” said the Summoner.
The helmeted dood turned. “Greetings fellow dood! I saw you were in danger and thought — ‘Would I die to save another dood? Of course I would! But I didn’t, I lived too! Win win!” He laughed again.
The Warrior stepped forward. “Thanks.”
The helmeted dood retrieved his spear. “What are you guys doing out here anyway?”
“Saving the godiverse.”
The helmeted dood stopped in shock. “Woah! For real?”
“Yeah.”
“WOAH! Guys! Guys!” The doodlings scampered up to the helmeted dood. One of them climbed on top of the helmet and took a seat. “What’s up boss?”
“How about we go SAVE THE FLIPPIN’ godiverse?”
“Hell YEAH!” they shouted.
“Well, we’re in,” the helmeted dood said to the bemused Warrior and Summoner. “I’m the Dragoon. I fight hard, play hard, eat hard. Let’s goooooo!”
“Let’s gooooo!” clamored the doodlings.
The Dragoon started to run off. After a few minutes, he looked back at the Warrior and Summoner. “Heeeeeey!” he shouted.
“Where are we going?”
_________
The Summoner insisted on going after the Hare, so that’s where they went. As they walked one of the Doodlings scampered ahead, rolling and jumping and generally being full of energy, while the other took a nap on top of the Dragoon’s helmet.
The Warrior looked at the napping doodling. “Hey,” he said.
“What can I do for you, fellow dood?” said the Dragoon.
“Why do you have two doodlings following you?”
“Ah, well- you see-” The Dragoon banged his helmet as if to scratch his head. The doodling resting there woke up.
“Who? What? Whaddaya need boss?”
“Nothin’, this dood companion here just asked where you and little Timmy came from-”
“Oh!” the doodling waved lazily at the Warrior from his perch. Then he tapped the Dragoon’s helmet. “This here’s our boss! And also our dad dood.”
The Warrior gawked. “These are YOUR doodlings?”
The Dragoon waved his spear around noncommittally. “Some would say that, yes. You see, I’ve been on many adventures. Successful adventures that then have parties to celebrate. And I love to party, soooooooo…”
“Wow. Quite the lover dood,” chuckled the Summoner, who had been listening in.
The other little doodling came sprinting back. He tumbled in front of the Dragoon and pulled out a smart salute. “Boss! I found the Hare! He’s hangin’ around that bamboo over there cryin’.”
“No kiddin’! Excellent work Tommy. Well, let’s see if we can go figure out what the matter is.”
They found the Hare sitting in a nearby glade. “Oh my poor fur,” he said sadly.
The Dragoon waved to him companionably. “Hi Rabbit! How ya doin’?”
The Hare peered at the Dragoon. “How d’ya think I’m doin’ buster?? My fur’s all gone! My beautiful fur…”
The Warrior looked at the Hare and got an evil idea. “You know, if you rubbed salt on your skin I bet your fur would grow back…”
The Hare looked at him hopefully. “Really?”
“I have some right here,” said the Warrior. He always carried a few seasonings in his pack for situations like this.
The Hare took the salt and rubbed some experimentally on a shoulder. “OUCH! That stings…Are you sure this will work?”
The Warrior was drooling. “Oh yes…” He could just taste the rabbit stew now. So hungry….
“WAIT!” yelled the Summoner. The others stopped and let her pass to stand next to the Hare. She cocked her head weirdly. Then she gestured. “Follow me.”
And off she went without another word. The Hare and the other doods stared at each other for a moment, then they all shrugged and went after her.
She led them to a stream. Turning to the Hare, she pointed at it. “Bathe in here, then rub yourself with the cattails. Your fur will grow back.”
“Hmph! And why should I trust you? The salt trick didn’t work at all!”
She didn’t respond. He waited. Still nothing. So he sighed, then grumbling took a dip in the water.
While he washed, the Warrior taught the Dragoon and his doodlings how to fish. Timmy fell asleep at his rod and the Dragoon didn’t have the patience for it, but Tommy didn’t do too badly. They got a nice little haul by the time the Hare was finished.
“Finally,” said the Warrior as he set up the fish to barbecue above a crackling fire.
“Finally!” said the Hare. His white fur was already beginning to grow back. He sat down next to the other doods around the fire and grinned. “What a day eh lads?”
The Dragoon let out a huge yawn. “Loooooong day.”
“So where’re you doods goin’ anyway, eh?”
“We’re trying to save the godiverse. We’re looking for a god to help us,” said the Summoner.
“Well ain’t that interestin’! Just so happens I’m goin’ to visit a god myself. He’s named Daikoku-sama, and I got a few prayers to make.”
“Can we come along?” asked the Summoner.
The Hare thought for a moment. “Ah what the hell,” he said, grabbing the fried fish. He winked at the Warrior. “We are ‘cousins’ after all.”
“HELL YEAH!” said the Dragoon. “Now we’re getting somewhere! Today we saved a Hare, tomorrow the GODIVERSE!”
“The godiverse!!” The doodlings echoed.
The Warrior smiled. They would save the godiverse tomorrow. After a bite to eat.
Above them, in the night sky, another star winked out.
_________
That’s the end of this one! Where once there were two, now there are four dood Apostles (and a couple of doodlings) adventuring together! What kind of hijinks and shenanigans will ensue? Stick with us as we conclude the exploration of the Shinto galaxy next time! In the meantime, head on over to our Discord, Telegram, and Twitter to continue your own Apeiron adventures.
And as always, thanks for reading, godlings. We’ll see you next time.