An Apeiron Story: The Doods are Back in Town

Hey everyone! For this week’s blog post, we’ve got more of that sweet sweet LORE. For too long has the teat of knowledge run dry. Now is…

Hey everyone! For this week’s blog post, we’ve got more of that sweet sweet LORE. For too long has the teat of knowledge run dry. Now is the time for suckling knowledge — knowledge of the Apeiron godiverse, its doods, and its gods!

We’re continuing our set of stories devoted to exploring some of the personalities of doods from Apostle classes that haven’t entered the game yet — but which will be coming in over the next few months. Today, we’re (re-)introducing the Dragoon!

The Dragoon has been through…a lot. You can read about his earlier stories…actually, I’m not going to tell you where you can read about them. Find them yourself! And if you do find them you’ll be rewarded with a tasty prize…the Dragoon’s backstory. Knowledge is power! Arm yourself.

But I can’t help myself — here’s a little bit of context to the short story you’re about to read: the Dragoon had been out in the godiverse fighting Chaos with his doodling sons Timmy and Tommy. After many adventures, they’ve FINALLY made it back to the Axis Mundi. But there’s no time to rest just yet — the party is only just getting started. And that’s because…

The Doods are Back in Town

“Holy CRAP!”

“We made it!!”

“We’re back!!!”

The Dragoon — whose name was Critchens, or Crit for short — collapsed on the shore of the sandy beach alongside his two doodling sons, Timmy and Tommy. They were a short distance away from a small village of fisherdoods, of which some inhabitants were pointing at the three exhausted doods resting on the sand in curious surprise.

“How long has it been?” moaned the Dragoon.

“Too long,” said Timmy wearily.

“The boat kind of worked in the end,” remarked Tommy defensively. “It got us most of the way here at least and-”

Crit patted Tommy on the head supportively. “You tried your best son,” he said.

Tommy smiled. “Thanks pa.”

“And you failed.”

Tommy frowned.

Some of the fisherdoods, including a particularly large fisherdood whose protruding belly suggested he was the leader of the village, walked towards them. They stopped a short but safe distance away. “Ho there!” said the big dood. “Who you then?”

“Doods!” said Timmy.

“I can see that,” said the big dood peevishly. “Why you here? We got no food for you.” The other doods nodded in agreement.

Tommy jumped up and thrust out his small doodling chest imperiously. “We’re fighter doods! We want food, we’re gonna take-OOF.”

He stopped talking as Timmy tackled his brother and promptly stuck his face in the sand. At the same time, Crit stood and adjusted his large helmet and sharp spear. Then he struck a heroic pose. The other doods were impressed. None of them knew how to pose, heroically or otherwise.

“I’m Crit the Dragoon!” shouted Crit loudly. He found that when dealing with other doods it was best to shout as loud as possible. “We’re just passing through! But if you have anywhere to sleep, that would be a big help for us! Haha!”

The big dood crossed his arms in front of his chest and rested them on his belly. “No place, no food, you doods can just — OW!”

Crit, quick as flash, flipped his spear around and bonked the big dood on the head with the butt of it. “Oi!” shouted the big dood, rubbing his sore noggin. “What you doin’? Want fight? Get ‘em!”

The fisherdoods flew at the Dragoon and his doodlings. Crit just smiled. After the trials they had been through, the boods they had faced down, this — well, this was a party, and he loved parties.

After delivering a few more bruises to the outmatched fisherdoods, they were much more welcoming. “Uh…you can stay at Voovoo’s old house. He hasn’t been back in awhile,” said the big dood, lying flat on his back and panting for breath. “And um…I guess we could spare a couple fishes for you doods. Since you’re-” he coughed. “Visiting and all.”

“Thanks!” said Crit with a big smile (that was lost on the fisherdoods, since he was wearing his helmet). “Timmy — Tommy — let’s check out our new place!”

“Woohoo!” cheered the doodlings.

“Ouch,” wheezed the pile of beaten up fisherdoods.

_______

Their new place was a small but cozy dood shack pressed up right against a giant EDEN pillar. It was more than spacious enough for Tommy, Timmy, and Crit to all find their own comfortable places to rest, which they promptly did, falling fast asleep.

Later that evening, the big fisherdood — whose name was Glub — brought them some fried Hod fish with chips and mushy beans, and for the first time in a long while they ate until they were absolutely stuffed. Then they sat back and sighed, patting their full bellies happily.

“Well laddies,” said Crit, stretching his hands behind his head and leaning back in his cushioned chair. “Why not stay here for awhile eh?”

“Yeah!” agreed Tommy, lying on a soft rug on the floor, his eyes closed. “This place seems great! Food, place to sleep — what more you want?”

“Hmmm…” said Timmy. His little doody brow was furrowed. He was sitting in front of the back wall of the house, which was actually just the EDEN pillar itself. Strange runic inscriptions ran across its rocky surface. Some of them seemed to move about. It was dizzying to watch for too long.

“Hmmm?” echoed Tommy, lazily opening an eye at his brother. “What’s to hmmmm about?”

“I’m just thinkin’…” began Timmy.

“Well stop it,” said Tommy, firmly shutting his eyes.

“Oh don’t be such a bood,” said Crit, adjudicating. “Timmy, say what you want. That’s the doody way.”

“Well, it’s just…” Timmy sighed. “I think we need to do something.”

“Do what?” said Crit. “Why? It’s like Tommy said! We walked into a good thing here. We don’t need to do anything.”

“Yeah!” said Tommy. “We’ve been through a lot. We need a break.”

“I’m just thinkin’ about those doods we left behind,” said Timmy sadly.

An awkward silence settled on the room.

“…and those boods out there. So many,” shivered Timmy.

“We’re safe now,” said Crit. “Don’t worry son.”

“But those others aren’t,” said Tommy. He sat up with a sigh. “Timmy’s right, I guess.”

Crit scratched nervously at the arms of his comfortable cushioned armchair that he really didn’t want to leave anytime soon. “So what do you have in mind, Timmy?”

“I’m not sure,” said Timmy. “But I know one thing.” He pointed at the EDEN pillar. The runes on its surface hissed and danced in a bluish glow from the mana in the air. “High Goddess Cosmos.”

“Cosmos,” gasped Tommy.

“Cosmos,” said Crit. “She’s the big boss. What do you want with her, Timmy?”

“Well if anyone can save the universe and our friends, it’s her, I bet.”

“True,” said Crit.

“She lives in the White City,” said Tommy. “But she’s the High Goddess! And we’re just some doods. How are we supposed to see her?”

“Dunno,” sighed Timmy. “It was a stupid idea anyway…”

“Pretty dumb,” conceded Crit. Then he grinned. “Just the kind of plan I like! Boys, we’re going to the White City!”

“Woohoo!” They jumped up and down in excitement.

Crit raised a hand. “We’re going tomorrow.”

They calmed down. Crit snuggled down deeper into the chair. “Let’s at least get some rest for tonight. Then tomorrow…” he yawned. “Tomorrow it’s another adventure…”

He fell asleep. And a few minutes later, so did the doodlings.

______

They got up early. Well, early-ish. Time enough for brunch anyhow. They went down to the fisherdood village square and joined in on a big pot of fishy chowder. The other doods gave them a fearful amount of space, which they ignored, busy as they were slurping down the chowder.

After they finished, Crit banged his helmet with his spear with a CLANG — the villagers jumped in fright — and stood up doodfully. “Thanks!” he yelled. “We gotta go! Can we get some stuff before we leave? Also, save the house for us ’til we get back. Kthx bye!”

Glub also stood up and nodded. “Ok. Where you going?”

“The White City!” shouted Timmy and Tommy excitedly.

“Oh,” said Glub, raising his eyebrows. “I got a cousin there. Ribrib. You can ask how he doing. He sell meat. Tell him send more meat, I send him fish.”

“Ok!” Crit gave him a thumbs up. Within 5 minutes, he had immediately forgotten this sidequest.

They went to a hill nearby their shack and waited for Glub to bring their supplies. Over in the distance, they could just make out the White City. Crit put his hand to shade his helmet eye slot and considered the lay of the land. Although, even as he observed, a large section of farmland rose up to the heavens to create a plateau with sheer cliffs. A large god walked by and critically adjusted some of the cliffside. There were some distant screams. “Huh. Gonna be a long journey boys, get ready.”

Tommy had fallen asleep in the peaceful sunshine. Timmy was blinking owlishly, ignoring his dood dad. “Timmy!” shouted Crit.

Timmy quivered as if coming out of a trance, then looked at the Dragoon. “Oh!”

“You ok son?”

“Uh…feel a little weird since last night,” admitted the doodling.

“How weird?”

“It’s hard to explain. I feel like I can feel stuff in the air.”

“Stuff in the air?”

“Yeah! And I can do stuff with it.”

“Like what?”

Timmy shrugged. Crit sighed. “Ah well. Maybe you got a cold or something, you were sleeping kinda near that thing. Just take it easy while we’re walking.”

“Ok!”

Glub arrived with their food. “Good luck!” he said as he waved goodbye.

“Alright doods,” said Crit. “Let’s get started. This is gonna take awhile-”

______

They arrived in the White City.

Not much had happened along the way. They were lucky to avoid any god suddenly changing the landscape (although not lucky enough to have their prayers answered and simply fly to the city). The most exciting thing that happened was when they has passed a fruit tree. Tommy was too lazy to climb it so he had prayed for some god to blow the fruit down. The prayer was answered, but the god who sent it sent too weak of a breeze, and no fruit fell down.

This amused some nearby older fat doods, who chuckled at the young god’s pathetic breeze. Unfortunately for them, the young god was under training with an older god who heard the doods laughing and used a sudden gale to push the tree over entirely, smacking the older fat doods with a whipping of branches.

Tommy got his fruit at least, and they snacked on it until eventually they made it to just outside the city.

“Oooooh,” ah’d Timmy.

“Aaaaaah, oh’d Tommy.

The White City lived up its name. It was very white. And there were doods everywhere! Running about, walking around, milling on corners, sitting on benches, snacking as they went. There were sellerdoods hawking their goods (mostly foods) as they strolled from place to place. And above it all rose the impressive shapes of enormous temples. There were so many of them! And above that — up in the actual factual sky — was a floating palace. Prayer bubbles filled the air, drifting up and floating together to fly towards the heavens. It was a lot to take in.

“Right then!” said Crit, steadying his helmet. “We gotta get up there!” He pointed at the palace in the sky with his spear. “‘Cause that’s where Cosmos lives. And we’re gonna need some friends in high places to do it. So let’s go make some friends, boys! Put your friendliest smiles on.”

Timmy grinned ingratiatingly (he looked like he was about to shit himself). Tommy smiled slyly (he appeared to be preparing to rob somedood). Crit observed his doodlings and sighed. They had a lot to learn, the youngsters.

They set off for the High Goddess’ Temple at the center of the city. There were four large roads — one at each cardinal direction — and all of them led cleanly to Cosmos’ Temple. It was one of the largest structures in the White City, unsurprisingly, with a massive beacon of light that linked the ground to the palace in the sky. It was, in other words, hard to miss, so Crit, Timmy, and Tommy only managed to get lost twice before they reached it.

When they eventually made it, they walked in easily enough — there were very large doors which were flung open to all-comers. However, once inside, they found themselves cut off from the beacon altar by a long desk that sliced the main room neatly in two. Behind this desk were a bunch of doods in robes.

There was also a long line of doods queuing up to be seen at the desk. Prayer bubbles lingered in the air above; even they couldn’t move beyond the desk. They were stopped by some magical force in a big clump in the air. One by one, as the doods got seen, a single prayer bubble would — with a pop — pass through the magical barrier and shwoop up the beacon into the sky. They got in line.

“How long is it going to be?” moaned Timmy after exactly one minute.

“I’m starving!” wailed Tommy (they had bought or pilfered multiple snacks as they walked to the temple). “D’ya think they have lunch here?”

Crit stood silent, resisting the urge to bonk his doodling on the head with the butt of his spear. Luckily for them, they could read their father’s attitude well enough (even through his helmet), and so they kept their commiserating to themselves for the remaining 29 minutes of tiresome waiting.

Finally they reached the desk. “Finally!” said Tommy and Timmy together.

“What can I do for you doods?” said the doodette behind the desk sweetly. “Need a blessing from Cosmos? I have a bunch of them right here. Just tell me what you need and-”

“Um, nope,” interrupted Crit loudly. The robed doodette went quiet. She arched an eyebrow. She wasn’t used to being interrupted. “So what do you need?”

“Ahem,” said the Dragoon. “We need to see Cosmos.”

“You need to see the High Goddess? Why?”

“Uh…” said Crit. “Well ya see, we come from outside the Axis Mundi and, there’s a lotta fighting out there and, we thought the High Goddess might want to know and-”

The robed doodette held up a hand to interject. “You can’t see the High Goddess.”

“Why not?”

“No one can! Unless they get permission from Master Lublub. He’s Cosmos’ personal doodservant,” explained the robed doodette.

“Where’s he?”

“Oh he lives in the palace. With the High Goddess.”

“But that’s in the sky! How are we supposed to get permission if you won’t let us up in the first place?”

The robed doodette shrugged. “Those are the rules. Sorry!”

“Those rules don’t make sense!” shouted Timmy.

“Yeah! They suck!” yelled Tommy.

Crit sucked in his stomach and glowered at the doodette from beneath his helmet. Then he spoke in a very deep and intimidating voice, and even banged his spear against the temple floor for extra effect. “Let us in to see the High Goddess! Or else we’ll beat you up until you let us in.”

The robed doodette smiled icily. Then she screamed: “COSMODOODS! HELP!”

IMMEDIATELY dropping down from the ceiling on long ropes came a group of doods, all in a slick uniform with shiny badges. One by one they landed on the floor, each dabbing in a different direction. “We — are — the — Cosmodoods!” They chorused together. Wow! Tommy and Timmy were blown away, jaws on the floor. Even Crit was impressed.

They didn’t have long to remain impressed. The Cosmodoods swiftly tossed them out of Cosmos’ Temple. “And don’t come back!” said one of the group as she walked away, dusting off her hands. Crit, Tommy, and Timmy were back on the street, no closer to Cosmos, with the other city doods staring awkwardly and pointing at them.

“Ugh,” said Crit. “Let’s get out of here boys, not going to find much joy here.”

“But what do we do now?” said Timmy sadly.

“We find another temple,” said Tommy stubbornly. “There’s gotta be some god who wants to help us.”

______

“I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT HELP YOU,” said Linus, the God of Straight Lines, from his Square Altar in the Rectangular Inner Chamber. “YOU, DRAGOON, ARE WEARING A HELMET THAT HAS A DISGUSTING CURVATURE TO IT. BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT.”

“Oh-” said Sparkle when they sought her out at the Sanctuary of Cleanliness. “You are all so, so dirty. Dusty and — I can’t even look at you! Get them out of here at once! I need a bath.”

Even Chonk, the God of Doods (in theory — he may have been just a very large, very hungry dood — but he had been around for long enough that everyone was relatively certain of his divinity) was of no use to them.

“Oh great Chonk!” intoned Crit.

“Great Chonk!” echoed the doodlings.

“Bless us with your…uh…blessing! So we can go see Cosmos,” said Crit.

“Bless us!” said the doodlings.

But Chonk just continued to eat and stare forward into space. He was sitting on a very large throne with food all around him, as well as his followers scurrying about bringing more food, fanning his incredibly rotund frame, and massaging his shoulders. They tried a few more times to no effect.

“Bring him some food,” suggested one of the follower doods.

“Will he listen then?” asked Crit.

“Uh….maybe?” said the follower dood. “Look! Someone’s going to pray to him now.”

A dood walked forward and put a platter of food on the floor in front of Chonk. Then he put his hands together and a prayer bubble began to form above his head. Crit squinted. From the image in the prayer bubble, it looked like the dood was praying…to become very fat from eating so much food.

The prayer bubble drifted up to Chonk, who ate it. Then the enormous dood god pointed at the praying dood. In an instant, an ENORMOUS roasted leg of some prehistoric bird fell down in front of the hungry dood. He looked at it in shock. “How’m I s’posed to carry this?”

“Next!” shouted one of Chonk’s attendants, and shuffled the dood out the door while the giant roast leg was put on a cart and wheeled off.

“Hmmm…” said Timmy. “Maybe we should try another god first.”

“Balls,” cursed Crit as they sat on a bench outside of Chonk’s Hall of the Dood. Prayer balls flew around the afternoon sky. Over in the distance, they heard a peal of thunder and the sound of rain — but it was clear skies over them. “None of these gods are letting us even say anything to them! They’re all just — weird! Ugh.”

“If I were a god, I’d punch them,” said Tommy fiercely, punching his hand in emphasis.

Timmy was looking at a map of the White City they had purchased. “The next nearest temple is…the Hidden Rooms of Apropos. We just have to walk down that alley there and knock three times at the window and- ow!”

He stopped talking as he was hit in the head with a large scroll. “Hey!” said Tommy, leaping to his brother’s defense. “Who threw that?!”

“I did!” chirped a small doodling wearing overlong sleeves of a scroll-like robe. “I’m a newsdoodling for Fame, God of the News! Free news for you! Free news for all of you! You’re welcome! Hahaha!” And with that, he scurried away, his overlong sleeves flapping behind him, throwing scrolls at doods left and right.

“Come back here you, I’ll give you some news to report, my fist to your face you dirty little-!” Tommy went chasing after him.

Timmy peeled the scroll off of his face and began to browse through it. “Hmmm…meat prices up…late night music performance canceled…Wind Lord back in town…oh here we go! Pa!”

“Hmm? What?” said Crit, who was still sulking over how poorly their day had gone.

“There’s a party happening. A god party! At Sorority’s Cloistered Estate. We could definitely find someone to help there!”

“A party you say?!” Crit jumped up. “Now you’re speaking my language! Let’s dood and roll!”

Once Tommy returned (still grumbling — he hadn’t been able to catch the little newsdoodling) they zipped on over to Sorority’s Estate. It was almost evening now. The sun was setting and the White City turned a shining gold with just a touch of redness, a hint of something sinister.

Unlike the other temples, which were all in magnificent public squares, Sorority’s place was pushed up against the outer walls of the White City, and had a large fence around it to prevent trespassers and to create a more private atmosphere for her exclusive events.

There was a line of gods at the gates of the Estate waiting to be let in, and a smaller gate with a separate line for doods who were dressed up for the occasion. The prayer bubbles here were very polite, floating neatly above their doods. Timmy moaned. “Another queue? It’s so long…and we don’t have any tickets or invitations or anything.”

“Not this time,” said Crit. “Follow me boys. Lemme show you how to crash a party.”

Crit led the two doodlings down an alleyway next to the fence. “Where’re we going?” asked Tommy.

“Should be…there’s always…yes!”

Towards the back of the alley, a dood suddenly appeared out of a hidden side door heaving a bag of trash. When he saw Crit coming, he quickly tried to close the door, but Crit was quicker. He stuck the butt of his spear in and tipped his helmet politely. “We’re on security for this event,” he said. “No need to worry.”

“Uhh…” said the dood, his eyes darting back from Crit to Timmy to Tommy. “You aren’t Cosmodoods. Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Well, ok then.”

He let them in. Crit winked at Timmy and Tommy, and they joined the party.

____

The party was still in its early stages when they snuck in. Groups of gods and doods (separate, of course) were milling around small cocktail tables making polite conversation and then chuckling at each others’ jokes. Timmy and Tommy fidgeted awkwardly. “What are we supposed to do?”

Crit took in the scene with a glance and sniffed the air discriminatingly. “Not quite ready yet,” he pronounced. He turned to the doodlings. “Boys, get out there and start talking to some gods.”

“How are we supposed to do that?” they asked.

“Be cute. Be funny. Be doods. Or…pretend to serve food.” And with that, Crit disappeared into the crowd. Timmy and Tommy looked at each other. Well. It was no use standing around like wallflowers. They got out there.

Tommy decided to make a prayer that he would find some snacks and then a place to sit. Happily, there were so many gods around that he got his prayer quickly answered: he was lifted into the air and placed in an alcove, then a few snacks popped onto his lap. He was about the same level now as the gods’ tables, and in a perfect place for eavesdropping:

“Did you hear that Lark is back in town?” said a goddess wearing a large pair of tacky glasses.

“Oh yes! Can’t wait to see him again. He’s such a poet,” sighed another goddess, nursing her ambrosial drink.

“I heard he was hanging out with a dood. Can you believe it? A dood! Why would a god ever hang out with a dood?” The glasses goddess laughed raucously at the absurdity of the idea.

“DOODS ARE BEST KEPT IN BOXES,” said another god at the table. Tommy recognized him as one of the gods they had gone to earlier for help. “I MAKE ALL MY DOODS WEAR BOX OUTFITS TO HIDE THEIR CURVES. SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU BOTH NEED MORE LINES IN YOUR LIVES. I CAN HELP OFFER-”

“Um, no thanks Linus,” said the goddess holding her drink, walking away from the table. Linus slouched sadly, but also straightly.

“Don’t worry about her,” said the gossiping glasses goddess. “Did you hear the rumor about her? I hear that she absolutely loves circles. Has them all over her room.”

Linus gasped. “I WILL NOT LISTEN TO SUCH SLANDER. GOOD DAY, MADAM GODDESS.”

On the other side of the room, Timmy had snagged a platter of godly hors d’oeuvres and moved about trying to find an angle on a god who could take ’em up to Cosmos. He kept his little ear holes open as he walked around the rooms.

“Where is Lark tonight, anyhow?”

“Oh I hear he went to Jubilee’s party, she’s got quite the crowd over there.”

“Oh maybe we should go check it out!”

“Actually even though Lady Cosmos is very busy she always makes time for-”

Timmy’s ears picked up something about Cosmos. He turned and saw a — eight-legged? Spidery face? But also kind of cute? — goddess in robes talking to a (very) handsome, chiseled jaw, muscular god. The chiseled jaw god was nodding sagely as the spidery goddess gesticulated with one of her arms and talked:

“I know about all of Lady Cosmos’ plans, of course. She confides in me. I think it’s because I’m always showing her the most devotion out of all the gods, she knows she can trust me. So I can tell you with confidence that-”

“Excuse me!” shouted Timmy.

The two gods looked down on him. The spidery goddess looked annoyed. The chiseled jaw god smiled powerfully. Timmy held up his platter. “Um…food for you…majesties?”

The chiseled jaw god laughed. “No thank you little one. We have our own food to eat. You may go on about your business.”

“Oh! Uh, can I try some of your food?” Timmy spoke quickly, trying to think of a way he could stick around them and keep listening to the stuff about Cosmos.

The chiseled jaw god grinned at the spidery goddess, who sighed. “Well why not? Come up here, little dood.”

And with that Timmy was hoisted onto the god’s table and given a small drop of ambrosia to drink. He sucked on it and was immediately drunk. “Wooooooooowzer!” he said. “Thatsh the good shtuff! Tommy! My bro Tommy! You gotta try thish shtuff!”

While Timmy was getting drunk and Tommy was being dragged over to join his inebriated brother, Crit was getting the party rolling. He went up to quiet tables, told some raunchy battle stories and got the drinks flowing. He danced a few of his more famous jigs. He broke out a little pole dancing routine involving his spear — which even won the attention of some gods.

Within the hour, the atmosphere was just right. Crit could feel it in the air: a tension building, searching for release. He knew it was time, so he grabbed a drink, shotgunned it, and ran off to find the party host, Sorority.

The Goddess of Exclusive Clubs and Societies was dressed in a slinky glittering affair that left little to the imagination. She was surrounded by a group of sycophantic minor gods oozingly praising her graces. Crit could tell she was bored. He smirked. This would be easy.

He vaulted through the crowd of minor gods and tumbled right in front of Sorority, who tilted her head quizzically at him.

“And who might you be?”

“Goddess Sorority! Great party! I’m a Dragoon. Wondering if you would mind if I change the music? I wanna get this party started.”

Sorority stroked a sultry finger on one of her dimpled cheeks and smiled. “Oh do you now? Well…why not. You Dragoons always were good at hyping things up. I give you my permission.”

“Thank you, oh gracious lady goddess!” said Crit politely, and jump-slid off the table over to the god DJing.

This god wore a grinning mask, a dark pinstripe suit, and a tophat. He turned the grinning mask to Crit as the Dragoon approached. Crit gave him the thumbs up. “Sorority said to kick it!”

“Well then,” said the masked god. “Game on!”

The lights dimmed, the beat dropped, and the party kicked into high gear. Gods, doods, everyone was in a big mess of a crowd jumping up and down in alcoholic excitement. Outside observers said the whole estate rocked on its foundations that night. In fact, it flew off the foundations and went whizzing around the perimeter of the city at one point, before returning to its original location. Several doods got their wildest prayers answered — for better and worse. It was a party to remember (or to not remember) and would be the source of all sorts of godly gossip over the coming weeks and months.

Crit loved every second of it. He spent a good hour breakdancing his doody ass off until he remembered why they had come here in the first place. Then he hooked on his helmet and went looking for his doodlings.

He found them doing him proud, drunk as skunks and dancing on a table for a group of cheering gods. “Alrightttt!” he joined in on the clapping as they finished another number and collapsed. “Boys! Did you find anything about Cosmos?”

They were both snoring; two much excitement and they were totally out of it. One of the surrounding gods — a spidery goddess — spoke to the Dragoon. “What do you want to know about Lady Cosmos, Apostle? One of these doodlings was speaking her name as he danced.”

Crit bowed. “Your Goddessness, we’re trying to reach High Goddess Cosmos to give her a message from beyond. About the fighting and the boods and stuff. You see our friends-”

The spidery goddess snorted derisively. “You think Lady Cosmos does not know about what happens in her own godiverse? Begone from this place for your insulting behavior, and think better of the High Goddess before you open your mouth again.” And with that, she swept the doods off the table with one of her long arms.

They landed with a clatter on the floor. Timmy and Tommy woke up with an “oof.”

“Uhh…where are we pa?” they asked. “Our heads hurt…”

Crit sighed. “Come here boys. Let’s get a move on.”

_____

They went outside the estate to get some fresh air. It was a refreshingly cool night. Timmy and Tommy quickly fell asleep again, back to back. Crit sat on the steps and looked up at the Empyrean Palace floating in the sky. The night was quiet. He could hear some insects chirping. It was so close but so far. Ugh.

Behind him, he heard the door to the estate open and close. Crit turned and was surprised to see it was one of the gods who had been watching Timmy and Tommy dance, a friendly-looking handsome deity with a chiseled jaw. He waved to Crit.

“Hello Dragoon! I am Frithrall, God of Harmony, but you can just call me Fritz. I heard you have come from the outside. You have fought Chaos’ boods. Is that true?”

Crit adjusted his helmet, sensing an opportunity “Uh, yes sir. We were with a group of doods and a god traveling when we were attacked by boods and separated. It’s really crazy out there, beyond the Axis Mundi. So we wanted to go to talk with Cosmos to see if she could help.”

“I see,” said the God of Harmony, crossing his arms and pursing his lips in thought. “Interesting…very interesting. Lady Cosmos is very busy these days but…maybe…she has a soft spot for doods. Alright. I will support you in your cause to see the High Goddess, Dragoon.”

“Really?! Awesome!”

Fritz smiled. “You’re welcome. I too, would love to see peace and harmony back in the godiverse once more.” He knelt down to the Dragoon and his doodlings and held out a hand. “Step onto my hand, Dragoon.”

“Boys! Boys lets go!” Crit shook the doodlings awake and together they clambered onto Fritz’s hand. He lifted them up carefully so that they were level with his face. They could see deep into his divine eyes, which seemed exhausted.

“Are you ready?” he asked them.

They nodded, holding hands tightly. “Well then, have a safe flight!” said Fritz.

And with that, he drew back his arm and then threw them powerfully through the air, right at the Empyrean Palace.

______

The halls of the Palace were huge, dark, and empty, but the walls rippled with an ethereal blue-white light. There was no sound but the pitter-patter of their footsteps echoing as they wandered around, looking for the High Goddess.

Crit was nervous. It was so very quiet, but at the same time, there was a large rumbling sound coming from above. The whole thing was very strange for a dood and his doodlings, especially coming from such a lively party.

“Pa, are we almost there?” whispered Tommy.

“Let’s hurry,” hissed Timmy, who was trembling all over. “This place makes me feel weird.”

“Don’t worry boys, everything’s gonna be fine. This is the High Goddess’ home, after all. We’re safe.” But even he couldn’t shake the sense of danger. The Empyrean Palace was no place for a trio of unaccompanied doods. Everything was god-sized, enormous. Prayer bubbles whispered through the air, then faded away. He wished that the God of Harmony had come with them.

After some amount of searching, they came across a wide and winding staircase that led up and up and up. Above, the rumbling sound was louder, and the white light brighter. Crit could feel that this was the place. Cosmos was close.

They started walking up the steps, but some instinct drove them faster — they started to run. But they only made it halfway up when they were greeted by a line of doods. Cosmodoods. And in front of them, a large dood in a white wig and robe.

The Dragoon held his spear confidently in front of him. “‘Sup.”

“Who are you?” said the wigged dood authoritatively. He spoke very loudly.

“I’m Crit the Dragoon, and these are my two doodling sons, Tommy and Timmy.” Tommy and Timmy stuck out their hands from behind their pa’s back and waved. “We’re here to see High Goddess Cosmos.”

The wigged dood peered at them and sneered. “And who gave you permission to come here?”

“The God of Harmony. Frit…something.”

“Hmm. Do you know who I am?”

“Nope.”

“You’re a dood!” said Tommy, still hiding. “Not a god! Let us through!”

“I,” said the wigged dood. “Am Lublub, Cosmos’ personal doodservant. The High Goddess has said she is not to be disturbed. By anyone. So — she’s not gonna be disturbed.”

“But we really need to talk to her!” shouted Timmy. “It’s about the godiverse — there are doods in trouble- our friends-”

“Shh!” said Lublub. “I have served the High Goddess faithfully for over 500 years. I have never failed to follow her instructions. Not once. She said she didn’t want to be disturbed. And you are a disturbance. So now, time for you to leave.”

“No way!” yelled Crit. “We’ve gone through too much to fail now!” He brandished his spear. Timmy and Tommy jumped out and held up their fisticuffs.

Lublub gestured to the Cosmodoods with his robes. “Get them out of here.”

These Cosmodoods were even faster than the first bunch, and Crit couldn’t hold them off alone. There was no real fight. They were swiftly restrained and taken back down the stairs, back through the echoing halls, to the edge of the Empyrean Palace. Below them, the wind whipped about and the White City spread out like a light-speckled tapestry.

“Goodbye,” said Lublub.

And with that, they were pushed off the edge and plummeted to the world below.

“AAAAHHHHH!” screamed Crit.

“AAAAAAHHHHH!!” screamed Tommy.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” screamed Timmy. But then something magical happened. A purplish-blue light blossomed around Timmy and surrounded him and the others. They stopped falling. Well, they were still falling. But slowly.

“Woah!” said Tommy.

“Wow!” said Crit. “I didn’t know you could do that Timmy.”

“Neither did I!” said the doodling. “It just sort of happened.”

They floated to the ground, landing just outside the White City.

“What do we do now?” said Tommy. “We failed.”

Crit sighed and picked up his spear. “Let’s go home. There’s nothing we can do now.”

______

Back in the village of fisherdoods, inside the shack, the runes dancing on the EDEN pillar began to swarm madly and then suddenly — formed an arch of shining light. Out of the white light stepped — the Summoner.

“Finally,” she said. “I’m back.”

END

And that’s all for this week’s story! We hope you enjoyed it and are excited to (re)meet the final dood Apostle. For now, head on over to our Discord and tell us what you thought of this one~ What kind of Apostle classes do you think Timmy and Tommy will pick up in the future? We would love to hear from you. And don’t forget to do things on the bird website (Twitter) such as but not limited to Like/Comment/Retweet-ing! It helps us out a lot~

And as always, thanks for reading, godlings. We’ll see you next time.

About Apeiron

Apeiron is the world’s first NFT-based play-and-earn godgame. Apeiron will feature a unique card-based action-adventure combat system combined with god game simulation gameplay inspired by classic god games like Populous and Black & White. Players will be able to build up planets from above before descending to the ground as a powerful Avatar to solve the mysteries of the universe. Players will grow their planet to the point of developmental stagnation, then reset the planetary cycle via an Armageddon event to allow for even more advancement and thrilling late-game alliance level GvE and GvG activities. Apeiron will use a tri-token architecture, which means that there will be three separate tokens to navigate their ecosystem: a governance token, a play-to-earn token, and a premium alliance token.

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