Apeiron Apostle Adventures, Episode 1: Catfishing

Tally-ho, Godlings! And indeed, onwards! Today, we are proud to introduce a new series of stories told right here through our Medium…

Tally-ho, Godlings! And indeed, onwards! Today, we are proud to introduce a new series of stories told right here through our Medium, offering YOU a window into the goings on and to-dos happening in the godiverse. We’ll be following the trail of a number of heroic doods on their journey for greatness, good eats, and answers to the mysteries behind the corrupting Taint spreading across the galaxies. This is the Triple A: Apeiron. Apostle. Adventures!

Before we get started, a quick reminder that the Dichotomy War community event is going on right now! Spearheaded by our very own awesome community members, you can contribute to the quest to recover the holy items needed to perform Celestial Conjunction, and win exciting prizes in USDC for your side! Join the Godlings of the Hearts of Virtue or take a ride on the bad side with the Godlings of the Hearts of Malice~

Now then, without further ado, let’s get to the episode…

The Crescent God was fallen.

And it was the Outer Sectors that wrestled with the consequences, for the powerful god’s fall reverberated throughout the godiverse, as a sign that the Taint was coming. These were dark times: many worlds were out and out consumed, disappearing into the void. Others were irrevocably corrupted, the Gods who lived there becoming demonically hideous, and the Doods transformed into vindictive vegetable-loving Boods. Wailing and gnashing of teeth abounded.

On a nearby peaceful Normal Planet on a peaceful starry night, the world’s Avatar, a knowledgeable Wisdom, consulted her book, then looked at the stars. Then she looked at her book again. Then up. Then down. Up again. Then she gasped. Right in front of her divine eyes, another star winked out. And according to her charts, that star was not so far away from her own world…

Oh dear, she fretted to herself. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. She was standing in the ocean, her gigantic legs reaching down to the very floor of the sea. She had been there for some time. Days? Months? Years? How long had it been? She couldn’t recall.

Looking down, she spotted a congregation of her sweet little Doods. It looked like they had set up some sort of floating shrine around where her robes touched the water. Adorable! She moved a little to try and get a closer look, but that sent the whole lot of them to shrieking as she stirred up the waters unthinkingly. Several Doods were washed away by the waves before she could react. Oops. She always forgot how very fragile they were.

Below her, a Dood chieftain of sorts held aloft a staff and began chanting. She cocked an ear and tried to hear what he was saying. His voice was so very small…: “Oh great Avatar, bless us with your wisdom, and tell us where we can find more fish, for we are very hungry.” She let out a sigh. Well. The more things change, the more things stay the same. At least they weren’t panicking about the inevitable coming doom. They had no idea it was coming. It was probably for the best.

Probably.

She decided that she couldn’t wait any longer. Raising her enormous arms and holding her tome of spells aloft, she began casting a protective ritual. The Doods around her base were yelling in wonder and joy. She smiled a little to herself. It was nice to see them happy. Maybe she would throw in a verse to add some more fish to the ocean. Why not? This would work! Her barrier would go up and the Taint would move on.

Probably.

_________

It didn’t work. The Taint rolled right over to her barrier, corroding it like acid, and slid right onto her world, a viscous tide of unstoppable oily darkness. First it consumed a village of Doods: they came out as ravening Boods — burly Chonkies and slenderly slicing Thinlies with Gobbos cackling in droves as they charged forward. Then it churned up the ocean into a roiling mass: the fish became enormous, the maws lined with sharp teeth, wildly attacking each other. It warped the mountains and twisted the trees. And she was powerless to stop it. In fact, the more the Taint spread, the more she found that she didn’t want to stop it at all.

She was losing who she was as her world changed. She knew this would happen: after all, she had studied it for centuries. As the Taint moved greedily towards her — the crowning jewel of the Planet, the last bastion before total corruption — she looked around her. One last chance. One last chance to make a difference. She spotted an exhausted Apostle, a Warrior. He had protected her unswervingly, right to the last. She picked him up. “IT HAS TO BE YOU!” she bellowed at him. She wasn’t sure why she was bellowing, or if he understood. “SAVE THE GODIVERSE!” The Warrior looked stunned. Ah well. She had tried.

She dropped him towards her feet. Then, with her last ounce of resistance, she punted him off into another galaxy. “Good luck,” she thought. Then, in the next moment, a new thought:

“I’ll hunt you down, wherever you are.”

_________

The Warrior landed with a thump. He sat there for a long time, looking up at the blue sky.

Ouch.

How long had he flown through the stars?

Long enough that he was hungry.

But wasn’t he always hungry?

Crap, that’s a good point.

Get off the ground, you dumb Dood!

Hey, don’t call me dumb! Who are you, anyway?

Your own tiny brain, you idiot! I’m YOU!

Oh.

He sat up and looked around. It looked a lot like his own world had been. He frowned. His own world…had been consumed. And his Avatar, she had given him a quest.

That’s right!

What did she want me to do again?

Save the godiverse!

How am I supposed to do that?

Uhh…hit…stuff…hard?

Tried that last time. Didn’t work.

But it always works!

Not last time.

He sighed. Then his tummy started grumbling more insistently. Suddenly he knew what he needed to do, before he did anything else. He picked himself up and dusted off. He grabbed his big ol’ sword.

After all, he was very hungry.

_________

He walked around and was happy to find a rabbit. He supplemented his rabbit with a few tasty looking mushrooms. Very yummy. No potatoes though. Ah well. It would have to do. He found some sticks and grilled his rabbit and mushroom skewers over an open flame. Smacking his lips, he took another look around.

He was sitting on a hill. Under a tree. The tree had pink petals on its branches. It smelled quite nice. Hmmmm. Might make a nice dessert with the right ingredients…

He was near a beach. There was water lapping onto the shores gently below him. He could do some fishing later. Over in the distance, he spotted what looked to be a village. Perfect! They would have more to eat.

Hey hey hey! Eyes on the prize here, big guy.

What? The mushroom rabbit skewers were just a snack.

No no no! You forgot already…

How could I forget the skewers? I just ate them.

The Avatar! Your goddess!

Uhh…

…

You’re going to have to be more specific.

THE ONE WHO ASKED YOU TO SAVE THE WORLD.

Ohhhh! Right! Right. That one.

So, what do you need to do now?

Save the world!

And how are you going to do it?

Ummm…eat…more?

Well, it’s better than nothing, I guess. We need to get stronger.

Yeah.

He shivered, thinking about the Taint. It was true. He did need to get stronger. He hefted his sword and marched off towards the village. The sooner the better.

_________

When he arrived at the village, he saw there was some sort of party going on. At the center of the Doodsquare was a Dood. He was wrestling with a big god. The god was muscular, but also fat. He had an impressive mane of black hair. After a struggle, he tossed the Dood to the side and out of the ring. He put his hands on his back, threw back his head, and roared with laughter.

“GAHAHAHA! That’s the way it’s done! Who’s next, my fine little Doods? Don’t be shy now!”

No Dood was forthcoming. The thrown Dood was still in a daze.

The Warrior stepped forward.

The god looked at the Dood Apostle. He raised a bushy eyebrow and grinned, showing a mouth full of pearly white teeth. “Why hello there! You’re a big lad. Gahaha! Come to fight, have you?”

“I gotta get stronger.”

“Oh really? And why is that? Can’t carry enough food home for dinner?”

“I need to save the universe.”

The god paused for a moment, then hooted and guffawed. “GAHAHA! I like you, son! Come over here. But drop the sword. You won’t need it.”

They spent the next week wrestling. It was something called “sumo.” Every day they ate a lot of noodly hotpot called chankonabe. It had all sorts of yummy food in it: pork belly and chicken and dumplings and some vegetables that the Warrior did his best to avoid. Then they would go wrestle. The Warrior usually lost. The god was very strong. His name was Takemikazuchi and he laughed a lot. But the Warrior liked him. He was certainly strong. Maybe they could save the godiverse together.

_________

One day they were training like normal, when the earth began to shake. All the other Doods ran around and wailed in fear. The Warrior looked at Take-san. “What was that?”

“Hmmmmmm…” Take-san inhaled deeply, through his nose. “Fish.”

“Fish?”

“Yes. Catfish! Let’s go, little Dood.”

Off they went. They crossed to the other side of the island. They climbed a tall mountain and swam a wide river. In front of them was an enormous lake, in the middle of which thrashed a giant catfish. It joyfully leaped to and fro in the sunshine, making rainbows dance in the air around it. And every time it landed on the ground, it shook the earth.

“Hmmmmmm young Dood! This will not do,” said Take-san. “O-namazu is behind these earthquakes. We cannot live when the earth constantly trembles.”

The Warrior licked his lips. “That’s a big fish.”

“Let’s go, young one!” Together they rushed forward. Takemikazuchi found a humongous rock on the side of the mountain, and with the Warrior helping, they lifted it on top of the flailing catfish. With the rock pinning it down, it couldn’t move nearly as much. The earthquakes died down…for the most part.

“Gahaha! A job well done, my young deshi. I’m proud of you.”

“I have gotten stronger,” replied the Warrior, and he knew it was true. But he also knew he was not strong enough yet to stop the Taint. He turned to his mentor.

“Take-san. Can you save the godiverse?”

For once, the proud and garrulous god was caught off guard. “Me? No! Of course not! I’m just a kami.”

“And I’m just a dood.”

“Well, yes…ah, young one, you’ll understand one day. My place is here.”

He didn’t understand. Oh well. He looked at the catfish. Then he licked his lips again. He stole a glance at Take-san. The god was humming to himself and already on the way back to the village. The Warrior looked once more at the catfish, and quickly made his move, slicing off a nice juicy cut from the fish’s side. There was a sudden thrashing. Take-san turned around. His eyes widened.

“Warrior! What have you done?!”

The Warrior stood holding the catfish cutlet in his hand. He gestured at it feebly. “I was hungry.”

“Oh, you foolish Dood! That catfish is a god of these lands. An insult to one is an insult to us all, to our very world!”

“Ah. Oops.”

Takemikazuchi shook his head sadly. “You will have to leave, my young deshi.” He strode up to the Warrior. “But even though I exile you, I wish you well on your journey. And never forget what you have learned here! Sumo will be a potent ally to you in your battles to come. Gahaha!”

And with that, the god picked up the Warrior and punted him off into space.

_________

The Warrior was on a new world, on a small island. He hadn’t traveled so long this time. And he still had the catfish. He was grilling up a bite to eat when another dood ducked from behind a tree. The Warrior sized up this new dood. She was carrying a big ol’ book. She had a bone on her head.

“Why do you have a bone on your head?”

She shrugged. “I see dead doods,” she said nonchalantly.

“Yikes!”

She plonked herself down beside him next to the fire. “What’s cooking?”

“Catfish.”

“Smells good.”

“Yup. Want some?”

“Yeah!”

“Ok. Still gotta cook a little longer.”

They sat for a little longer. “Whatcha doin’ out here?” she asked suddenly.

He shrugged. “Savin’ the godiverse, I guess.”

“Huh. How’re you gonna do that?”

“Not sure. Get stronger.”

“Hmmmm,” she looked around and said. “Yes, yes. You’re right.”

Then she looked at him again. “I’ll help you.”

“Really?”

“Yup!”

“How?”

“We’re going to find a way to get to the Dirac Sea.”

“Uhhh what’s that?”

“The realm of spirits.”

“Woah. Neat!”

She nodded. “We’ll find a way there. To push back the Taint.”

“Ok,” he said. Then: “But we’re just Doods though.”

“Well,” she replied. “At least there’s two of us now.”

“That’s true,” he said.

The catfish was done cooking. They ate every last morsel and then went to sleep.

Tomorrow would be a new adventure.

Another day to save the godiverse.

_________

Hey! We hope you enjoyed this adventure. We’ll be back to continue the journey later. What did you think of this one? Hop on over to Discord, Telegram, and Twitter and tell us. We would love to hear from you~

As always, thanks for reading, Godlings. We’ll see you next time.