Apeiron Apostle Adventures, Episode 3: Eight Heads are Better than One

Good Morning, Apeiron Faithful! Or Good Afternoon, Good Evening, Good Night! Wherever you are in the world, we hope it’s going great for…

Good Morning, Apeiron Faithful! Or Good Afternoon, Good Evening, Good Night! Wherever you are in the world, we hope it’s going great for you. For today’s blog, we have the thrilling conclusion to the first arc of our Apeiron Apostle Adventures!

Based in the Shinto Mythological galaxy, our Dood Apostle Warrior has slowly met up with other Doods, Mythic Gods, and the occasional rabbit (or hare) as he looks for a way to battle the Taint that consumed his home.

Last week, The hungry Warrior, the mysterious Summoner, and the newly-arrived, YOLOing Dragoon (and his accompanying doodlings) escaped a pack of vicious crocodiles and saved the White Hare of Inaba from forever being known as the Hairless Hare of Inaba. The Hare promised to lead them to a local god who might be able to open a portal to the Dirac Sea for them, where they can solve the mystery behind the Taint…or at least, so they hope…

But! Before we get into today’s installment, we have a quick announcement to make on the community side of things. As a part of our continuing push to update and streamline our Discord, we’re introducing Foonie Emblem NFTs. Expect to see these as rewards for joining AMAs, game nights, etc. going forward in our community.

Besides being able to sell the Foonie Emblem NFTs directly, you’ll also be able to exchange them at our Foonie Emblem Emporium on Discord. At launch, the Emblem Emporium will have the following items for exchange:

• 5 Emblems — DADI T-Shirt

• 10 Emblems — Mini-Black Hole

• 25 Emblems — Dood Apostle

• 35 Emblems — Quad Element Planet

• 50 Emblems — Tri Element Planet

• 60 Emblems — Elemental Exordium Planet Core

• 120 Emblems — Dood Plushie

• 196 Emblems — Mythic Exordium Planet Core

• 396 Emblems — Arcane Exordium Planet Core

• 1200 Emblems — Divine Exordium Planet Core

Foonie Emblems are coming! Get them as rewards for participating in our community, sell ’em yourself or exchange them for Apeiron merch and loot. You’re first chance to earn some Emblems is just around the corner — we’ll be hosting an AMA with our Lorekeeper this Sunday (2pm UTC) where we’ll be giving some away — be sure to check it out!

Right then, with that being squared away, let’s get into the Apeiron Apostle Adventures Episode 3: Eight Heads are Better than One!

“I’m hungry,” said the Warrior.

“We’re hungry too!” chorused the Doodlings.

“Hey dood, I’m not sure I like your influence on my kids,” whined the Dragoon. “We just ate, like, an hour ago!”

The Warrior sighed. “We only had four fish…or five…and then there was the forest pig you skewered, it went so fast…”

“QUIET!” shouted the Summoner. They shut up and then looked at each other, waggling their eyebrows. She had been grumpy all morning, mumbling to herself angrily as they followed the Hare through the bamboo forest.

“Are we there yet?” The Warrior asked the Hare.

“Cool ya jets pally, yeah we’re almost there!” The White Hare of Inaba had gone back to his rambunctious self upon the restoration of his fur. The Warrior licked his lips. He still thought they should have eaten him. A spot of roasted rabbit right now would go down a treat…

“Hey, we’re here!” shouted the Hare.

“Huh,” remarked the Dragoon, as they entered a peaceful glade. “That was fast.”

“Yeah well, the story has to go places sometimes, bub,” said the Hare.

The glade itself contained a cozy little house with a delicately arched roof and a stout chimney. Around the house, the land had been cultivated into a beautiful garden. The Warrior’s nimble ears detected the sound of animals — chickens, cows, pigs, somewhere on the other side of the house. Overall, it was a very peaceful, if secluded, forest farm.

“Looks nice,” said the Warrior.

“Great place for a party,” remarked the Dragoon.

“Ahhhhh,” the Summoner moaned, then fell down on the ground. The Warrior and Dragoon yelped and rushed to see what was the matter. But nothing was the matter. She was simply asleep, snoring blissfully.

“Must be tired,” said one of the Doodlings.

Ahead of them, the Hare was already knocking loudly on the door of the cottage. “Hey god! Heeeyyy! I gotta prayer to make, get out here already, would ya?”

The door opened, and a god strolled out. To the Warrior’s beady eyes, he didn’t seem particularly impressive. He looked like a farmer, except his body was partially covered with twigs and herbs and weeds…it looked like it was growing out of him. So he wasn’t just a farmer. He was a messy farmer.

He held up a hand in greeting. “Greetings, my devotees! What’s up?”

The Hare crossed his arms and stared pointedly at the god. “You promised me that the next harvest would be full of carrots, but our village barely managed to get any!”

“Oh,” the god scratched his head in thought. A small bird fell out of his hair and flew off. “Oh that’s right! I did say that. Well, the harvest was good…” he grinned “…for me. But I’m happy to share, Hare. Go on back there. Take all the carrots you can carry.”

“Jumping Jehosaphat, now you’re speaking my language! Thanks god!” And the Hare bounded off to one particularly orange corner of the garden.

The god pulled a piece of grass from under one arm and started chewing on it lazily. His eyes glanced over at the doods. “Hey! If it isn’t a party of doods. What’s up lil’ guys?”

“Uhhh…” said the Warrior. He looked at the Summoner, who was still snoring, then stepped forward and hoiked up his belt. “Well, we came here for…uhh…we came here for…” he thought for a moment. Then he remembered! “We came here for lunch!”

“NO!” shouted the Dragoon and Doodlings.

The Warrior looked back at them for a moment. Then he remembered! (for real this time) “We came here to save the godiverse! But we need your help.”

“Oh? Hmmmmm…” he chewed on his grass. “Sorry doods, that’s kind of outside of my purview. I can give you lunch for the road though.”

“EH?” said the Summoner. She suddenly shot awake, and marched right under the nose of the baffled god. “I had a vision! Rabbit leads us to Shinto god who takes us on a journey to go find the Dirac Sea. It was as clear as day.”

He held up his hands in defense and then gave the Summoner’s head bone a pat. “Look little lady, I respect your vision for what it is, but ol’ Daikoku-sama’s a god who hangs out here. You’ve got the wrong god. Go look elsewhere. But take some lunch first!”

The Summoner hung her head. “But where are we supposed to go?” she asked.

“There’s a Dood village just over on the other side of this forest. Go there! Hang out, eat food, relax. You know, do doody things. Don’t worry so much about saving the universe or whatever. It’s very un-doodlike, you know?”

And that was that. The god ducked back into his cottage and came back with some bento lunchboxes packed with tasty dood treats like Karaage fried chicken, Tako-san wiener salad (sausages cut up to look like mini-octopuses), and onigiri — rice balls with tuna in the middle. They plonked down in a circle in the garden and ate them. The Warrior was over the moon.

“This is delicious! Especially this fried chicken. So good.”

The Summoner was picking downheartedly at her weiner salad. “…yeah, I guess.”

“You don’t like sausage?” asked the Warrior.

“Just not in the mood…”

Meanwhile, the Dragoon and Doodlings were gorging themselves on their boxes, munching away happily. “Wonder if he has any booze, this god,” wondered the Dragoon.

The Warrior looked at the Summoner. She was sad, he thought. She was his friend and she was sad. She couldn’t even enjoy her meal.

He didn’t like that. Not one bit.

He quickly finished his meal and grabbed his sword. “Hey doods, finish up and let’s go!”

“Why?” said the Dragoon. “Let’s take a minute, Warrior. Why the rush?”

“I want to get to that village. Because…uh…there could be a sweet party going on there RIGHT NOW.”

“OH SHIT! Said the Dragoon, jumping up at once. His Doodlings quickly followed suit. “Tommy! Timmy! We gotta move!”

“Gotta move!” They echoed.

The Summoner looked at the Warrior in surprise. “I thought you were hungry.”

“Eh,” he shrugged as he hefted his weapon on his shoulder. “I’m always hungry.”

_________

As they exited the forest in the direction of the village, they gasped. They were standing on a hill above where the small community nestled in a nearby valley. And there, looming above the village square, was a giant figure — vaguely humanoid in shape, carrying an enormous sword.

“Woah,” exclaimed the Warrior, Dragoon, and Doodlings almost simultaneously.

“THERE!” shouted the Summoner excitedly, jumping up and down on the spot. “THAT’S IT BOYS! THE AVATAR FROM MY VISION! A FURY AVATAR!”

“What’s a Fury?” asked the Warrior.

The Summoner beamed at him. “A Fury is a Warrior god who likes to hit things very hard.”

“Great for close combat damage-dealing and defending Apostles in battle, too”

“I like the sound of this guy!” said the Dragoon, pointing his spear at the giant Fury. “Let’s go check him out!”

And off they went, halooing and halaaing with excitement as they charged towards the village.

_________

When they got to the village, they found a crowd of doods trying to get close to the Fury. They pushed their way to the front, where there was a Dood wielding a bow right by the Fury’s feet. She had an arrow nocked, and was pointing her bow at the crowd defensively.

“Back off you lot! He’s busy!”

“Hey!” said the Warrior. He walked right up opposite the bow-wielding dood. “Who are you, anyway?”

“Hmph!” she snorted derisively. “I’m the Hunter, of course, and part of his party! In fact, I’m the only member.”

“That’s going to change,” said the Summoner, coming up next to the Warrior. “What’s this Fury doing here, anyway?”

“Hmph! That’s none of your business. Noonoo-sempai doesn’t have time for-”

“AHHH!” said the huge warrior god, turning around to the sound of the commotion. “What’s going on HERE then?”

He peered down at the Hunter, Warrior, Dragoon, and Summoner. They all waved up.

“‘Sup!” said the Dragoon.

“Yo!” said the Warrior.

“Hello Mr. Fury Avatar, we need your help-” began the Summoner.

“They’re vagadoods, Noonoo-sempai! Don’t listen to them!” wailed the Hunter.

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM???” rumbled the huge warrior god. They all fell silent.

“Uh…no,” said the Warrior.

“WELL THEN,” said the god. He stabbed his massive sword into the ground outside the village. Then he dabbed. “Some call me hero-” He dabbed in the other direction “Some call me villain-” He put one massive gauntlet on his waist and the other on his sword “But you may call me — The Great Susanoo!”

Crickets.

Then the Hunter started clapping. “Waaaaaaa sooooo cool Noonoo-sempai you’re so awesome!!!”

“Please, Lord Susanoo,” one of the elder-doods took his chance and stepped forward. “We called you to our village because our princess doods are being taken. There’s a monster, a terrible eight-headed serpent. He demands them as sacrifice or says he will kill us all. Almost all of them are gone now except for my daughter here.”

He pointed towards a princess dood. She waved. “Hi!”

“WELL,” said Susanoo. “I won’t stand for it! No eight-headed snake gets to terrorize MY DOODS without my permission! Come on, my Apostles, we go to battle!”

“To battle, sempai!” cheered the Hunter.

“To battle!” yelled the Dragoon and the Doodlings.

“Wait!” said the Summoner. “We haven’t even signed up yet. And more importantly-”

Susanoo reached down a massive hand and patted the Summoner on the head. “Oh don’t you worry, little one, whatever’s bothering you, it can’t be more important than this! HAHAHA!”

The Summoner picked herself up and sighed. The Warrior shrugged. “Well, at least we have a god to help us now, I guess?”

_________

Following in Susanoo’s massive footsteps, they made their way to the den of the eight-headed serpent. As they got closer, Susanoo motioned them to crouch down. They hid as best they could behind a nearby hill and peered carefully over the edge.

And there indeed, sitting in a nearby valley — a valley scorched by fire, with a poisonous stream running through the center — was the massive body of a monstrous creature. Six of its eight-head appeared to be sleeping, while two kept watching, darting hither and thither, hissing as they searched for any sign of trouble.

“Yikes!” said Susanoo, as they backed away from the serpent’s den. “That’s a big ol’ snake for sure.”

“Oh sempai,” said the Hunter lovingly. “I bet you could take him out with a single swing of your sword!”

“Uh well yes, HAHA, of course, but uh, well, hmm you see the thing is — it’s much bigger than I remember, that serpent. He looks different. Bigger, for certain. And…hmmm…more evil…”

“Crap on a shitstick,” said the Warrior. “That serpent has been Tainted!”

“Come again?”

“My world was consumed by it. The Taint. It makes things worse. Evil.” The Warrior shivered. “And it spreads fast. Why is it here? How?”

“Hmm…young dood, this doesn’t sound good. We need a plan.”

He thought for a moment. “What if we go in there and hit it very hard?” said the Warrior. He received a pat on the head.

“An excellent idea, my boy, an excellent idea, but there’s a lot of heads over there, would hate to get tangled up in them…” Susanoo shivered involuntarily.

There was a moment of silence as they all considered being eaten by one (or a few) of the heads. Ugh.

“Hey!” One of the Doodlings chimed up. They all looked at him. He pointed at the Dragoon. “Dad’s a great fighter, but when he’s drunk, even we can beat him up! What if we got the snake drunk?”

The Dragoon blushed inside his helmet. “Timmy please! You’re embarrassing me.”

Susanoo stood up. “No need to be embarrassed, this Dood has got the right idea! Come on — back to the village!”

_________

Back in the village, they swiftly got to work. Working with the elder Dood, the Dragoon and the Doodlings got to work on brewing up a potent sake to offer the serpent. Susanoo told a few stories of his heroism to the local Doodlings and the Hunter. The Warrior rustled up a bite to eat for everyone, and the Summoner turned the dood princess into a hair comb to keep her safe.

“Ok,” said the Warrior. “I think we’re ready.”

They had set up eight huge pots of sake just on the edge of town, as well as a small feast for the serpent to consume. Susanoo was nowhere to be seen — off preparing himself for battle somewhere, he guessed. The Dragoon walked over to the Warrior — well, he stumbled-lurched over, being just about held up by his two doodlings.

“Datsh the good shtuff!” he hiccuped. “Wooo! Gimme a bit more of dat, mama!”

“Hmmmm,” said the Summoner, peering at the inebriated dood. “He doesn’t look exactly fit for battle.”

“Is it really that good?” said the Warrior curiously.

“Oh yeah dood! You gotta tryyyyyy it. Come on, one cup! The shhhhnake won’t even notice!!”

The Warrior had a cup of sake. It was warming and pleasant. “Oh yeah, this is nice. Especially with a little bite to eat from this feast. Yum! Gimme some more.”

“It can’t be that good…can it?” asked the Summoner, who was getting interested. Even the Hunter came for a look to see what all the fuss was about.

And in short order, all four of the Doods were totally and utterly wasted.

They were singing a rude little song about dood butts when the great eight-headed serpent appeared. It loomed horribly above the feast and sake and stared at them with its reptilian eyes. Several of its heads smiled. One licked its lips. Another, a large one in the center, slipped down towards the Warrior. Its nose holes wrinkled a little at the stench from the drunken doods.

“And who might you be, little Doods? I haven’t seen you before.”

“Hey shnake! Woah u got so many heads its cray-cray! Like 16 or somethin hehe. I ish the Warrior,” said the Warrior.

The serpent laughed a hideous hissing laugh. “Well hello, drunken Warrior. I have heard of you from…a friend of great power. I am Orochi and I am master of these lands.”

“Ooooo yeaaaahhh, Master Oroshi. Orochi. Hehe. We got a feast for you to honor your…masterfulness. Hehe. HICCUP. Food, sake, and uhh…” he looked at the Hunter and the Summoner, “…princessesh!”

The Dragoon stumble-lurched over to the Warrior and the large serpentine head. “Lesh get dis party STARTED! Woooo!”

Orochi hissed in disgust at the Doods, but looked hungrily at the food and sake. “A little appetizer before a meal, I suppose. The smell is…intoxicating…”

Suddenly the heads dove into the different pots of sake. A few minutes later, Orochi’s heads were dancing lazily in the breeze. One of them appeared to be whistling a tune. “Oh my…I’ve never felt so good…I feel like I could fly…”

“HA HA HA!” came a yell. There was a massive THUMP and WHOOSH. The Warrior looked up beside him — Susanoo was here! He held up his sword. “You’ve activated my trap card, Orochi! Now your heads will taste the keen edge of my Grass-Cutting Sword!”

“Susanoo!” Orochi’s heads reared back terribly. Then one of the ones off to the side vomited a little. “You shan’t stop me now, Susanoo! I have received a gift from the High Gods. The Taint empowers me!” He let out a fearsome roar. The sky became covered with clouds. Thunder rumbled.

“Your tricks scare me none, Orochi! Doods! To battle!”

Susanoo leapt into the fray, his blade dancing on the wind, fighting off four heads all at once. The Warrior was first to follow with a “YAAAAAA!” warcry. He ran towards one of the heads. This one looked less drunk than the rest. It might have been because the doods had finished one pot of sake themselves before Orochi arrived. The head was looking at him with disdain. It hissed at him. “I love a fat dood like you as a snack! Prepare to die!”

“Not today, shnaaaaaake! Shnaakkkeee! SNNNNNAAAKKKKEEE!” he yelled. The sake gave him reserves of strength he hardly knew he had. Even as the head darted towards him, he jumped on top of it and sumo wrestled it to the ground! He held it there as it thrashed around, then quickly cricked its neck. The head went dead in his arms. “AND SHTAY DOWN!” he shouted.

Meanwhile the battle raged onwards. The Hunter was dodging like a champ and letting off arrow after arrow into the sky. Most missed because she really had had just a bit more than she was used to — but one of ’em found its mark and hit a head right in the eye! It let out a fearsome wail of pain as it thrashed about in agony.

“Headshot!” the Hunter cried in triumph.

Over to the side, the Dragoon was contending nimbly with TWO heads, defending the Summoner while she prepared a powerful spell. He didn’t even look drunk! “I LOVE THIS! YOLOOOOOOO!” he cried. “YOOOOOLOOOOO!” his two doodlings echoed as they fought alongside their boss with tiny spears.

Finally the Summoner’s spell finished. With a sigh and a wail, the spirits of the dead dood princesses who had been eaten by Orochi came out from his belly and flew towards his head, where they exploded with a KABOOM. The explosion knocked all of them flat.

“Susanoo!” shouted the Summoner. “Now!”

The warrior god took her sign. Channeling all his might, he sheathed his giant blade, and then unleashed it in the blink of an eye, chopping off all eight heads in a single mighty blow! Orochi’s great body fell heavily to the ground with a massive THWOMP. Susanoo coolly whipped the blood off his sword, then sheathed it.

Then he turned and looked at the Doods. He held his gauntleted fists to the sky! “WE DID IT!”

“WE DID IT!” They cheered. Then they fell asleep in drunken stupors.

_________

“So Orochi was Tainted you say,” asked Susanoo.

They nodded.

“And the Taint was sent here by…your goddess, probably. Well, corrupted goddess.”

The Warrior nodded sadly. “He said he knew me. But nobody knows me. Except her.”

“Right. Right. Well, this is a sticky situation, no doubt about it. You need a hero…”

They looked at him expectantly. He held up his hands in protest. “And I’m no hero! Sorry to disappoint you. I don’t have the power to fight the Taint.”

They hung their heads sadly.

Had they failed?

Then Susanoo smiled.

“…but I’m always up for an adventure, and this has all the makings of one. So we travel to different galaxies, look for a path to enter this Dirac Sea, yes?”

“Yes!” they chorused.

“Well then! The Great Susanoo, Slayer of Serpents, will serve as your bold leader. For now, at least.”

“WOOHOO!” they yelled. The Hunter was kicking at stones nearby. She sighed. “I guess that means I’ll come with you too…I need to protect Lord Susanoo!”

The Dragoon threw a hand over her shoulder. “You’re more than welcome, ma’am! This is going to be great. We’re gonna be a team and everything! We should get t-shirts made…with me at the front of course…”

The Summoner looked at the Warrior and smiled. Then she gave him a hug. “We did it!”

He smiled at her. “We did it!”

They had defeated the monster and saved the day. They had fought against a Tainted creature and lived to tell the tale. They had found an Avatar to lead them to the Dirac Sea. But the Warrior couldn’t help but wonder…

What was he going to have for dinner?

_________

Hey everyone! We hope you enjoyed the conclusion to the Shinto arc of the Apeiron Apostle Adventures. When our bold heroes next return, they’ll be facing a new galaxy with a new set of challenges as they look to continue their journey to the Dirac Sea and unravel the mysteries of the Taint. Stay tuned…

Have you enjoyed these stories? Let us know! Come and chat with us about ’em in our Discord, on our Twitter, or on Telegram! We’re always excited to talk shop about Apeiron and its delicious lore.

And as always, thanks for reading, godlings. We’ll see you next time.